How I became a Proud Mom

As I reflect on the moments when each of my children were born, I am filled with extreme happiness, excitement and joy. I remember looking at their precious faces and thinking, "I (and Parveen) created you. You are amazing human beings that make my life so fulfilled and I swear to always love you, support you and protect you for my entire existence". Dramatic? Yes. Over the top? Maybe. Honest? Most definitely! But I can sincerely say I meant it. Unless you have felt the unconditional love a mother has for her child, there are no words that can truly do it justice.

I supported my children through school, their various activities and in navigating their friendships and careers. I even gave up my career so that I could focus on raising our children while Parveen focused on growing our business. Parveen was always very involved in the kids' lives as well, but he was the sole earner in our family so I was lucky enough to get the bulk of the time with them.

When the kids were young, we used to monitor their computer and phone use to ensure their safety. When we noticed some topics Rohan was searching, we starting having discussions about sexuality. I believe this was when he was in middle school but it may have been as early as grade 5. I don't remember actual timelines and Rohan says I come up with my own narrative at times, however, I will outline what I believe to be true based on my memory. You will hear Rohan's story and stories from Parveen, Prem and other family in future posts.

We questioned Rohan and asked what he knew about the human body, sexuality, sex, etc. Parveen had the "talk" with him. Rohan was curious about these topics and when we would ask who he found attractive he would name a few girls that he knew. As he got older he would say he wasn't sure who he found attractive....some were girls and some were boys but he wouldn't state a preference for one gender over the other. As I reflect back and read more on the topic, this was the slow process of him "coming out" to us. We got books on sexuality and even went to public health with him so he could get literature and talk to unbiased health professionals. It wasn't until grade 11 that Rohan "came out" to a few close friends and his extremely supportive teachers at school. Thank goodness he was in an arts school with open minded friends and adults to support him!!

One day in grade 11, Rohan came home from school very upset. When I questioned him about his mood, he said he told his teachers he was gay and he was very worried about how Parveen and I would react. I believe it was Ms. H who told him he was amazing and that his parents loved him very much. She encouraged him to talk to us openly and I am forever grateful for this wonderful mentor of his. Parveen and I sat with Rohan in our den at home and had a lengthy discussion full of a plethora of mixed emotions and a flood of tears. My first reaction was fear.....fear of him being bullied and fear for his safety in society at large. I just wanted to hug and protect him from the world. I remember embracing him and telling him I loved him and that I wanted him to be true to himself. I reassured him I would always be there for him and I would reject anyone who could not accept him. I meant it and I still do. We told Prem and Prem just hugged him and said that he loved Rohan and would always protect him. I told Rohan he could tell whoever he wanted whenever he wanted but it was not something he had to declare, just as Prem did not have to declare that he was heterosexual. I told him his sexuality didn't define him as a human just as his career and hobbies did not define him. Parveen, Prem and Rohan can discuss their own emotions and reactions as I don't want to assume that I know what they went through, but this was the time I really fell into my fierce mama bear role.

From that date on, I supported Rohan in his decisions to post publicly on social media about his sexuality. He had already told many family members in organic, natural conversations but was a little hesitant about those that were not aware yet. I told him to do what he wanted and if there was anyone that would stop loving him simply because of his sexuality that the problem was theirs and not his to deal with. Parveen and I are Rohan's biggest supporters. We attend Pride events even when Rohan is not with us and participate in supportive groups in different organizations. We talk openly with other parents and friends so that they don't make hurtful jokes and comments like the kind that we heard before they knew about Rohan.

You never know who is struggling with their decision to "come out" and what barriers they face. I have heard from more than one person that they hesitate because of negative comments they have heard from their family. My advice is be careful with your words/jokes as the person you love most may be the one most hurt by them. Encourage open, non-judgemental dialogue and ALWAYS let your kids know you love them unconditionally. Other people's reactions are their issue. You brought this amazing human into the world, loved and protected them and took pride in all their achievements. They are the same awesome human being you raised regardless of who they choose to love. Be their parent. Be their champion. Be their pillar. Be the #proudmom