Grandparents hold a special place in children's lives and vice versa. All of Rohan's grandparents loved him dearly but his Nani (maternal grandmother) is his only surviving grandparent and the only grandparent that was ever aware of his sexuality. She is a strong, loving woman of few words and a fierce protective attitude. When I asked my mom how she felt when she found out about Rohan being gay, she said, "he is my grandson and I love him. Nothing will ever change that". She truly adores Rohan, as she does all her grandchildren, and she has never uttered a negative comment about his sexuality.
Nani loves when Rohan face-times her from London and she loves cuddling and hugging him when he is physically here. When he was home for Christmas this past December she said, "take a picture of us", as soon as she saw him. Maybe it had to do with her favourite iced fruitcake that he brought back for her from London or maybe she just thought he looked especially cute that day....lol. That's the picture above:)
Nani has always been proud of all of Rohan's achievements and she supports him by attending all his shows. Nani has been to all of Rohan's performances since he was 4 years old and dancing with a Bollywood group, to his Musical Theatre performances in high school and college, as well as all his performances with various artists and dance companies. Nani and big Nani (my tayiji/aunt) even made sure to spend time with Rohan when their cruise ship docked in PEI while Rohan was performing in the Charlottetown Festival in 2019.
I asked my mom if she ever discussed Rohan's "coming out" with any family or friends. She said, "no, I don't care what anyone else thinks. I love my grandson and that's all that matters to me". Yes mama, you are awesome! Now if only everyone's grandparent was this loving and supportive. I remember when we visited my massi (aunt..."little nani") and she asked if Rohan had a girlfriend. I was honest with her and without missing a beat her response was, "ok, does he have a partner?" I love that there was no judgement, just a grandmotherly interest in relationship status!
As I think about it, I have spoken to a few south asian parents of queer children recently and they said their parents reacted in a similar accepting manner when they were told about their grandchild's sexuality or gender identity. This makes me happy and hopeful that our queer children will have the benefit of their grandparent's unconditional love. BUT, these are not my stories to tell and I respect people's privacy so they can share what they want if and when they are ready.
If grandparents ever decide to talk to each other about LGBTQ2S+ topics, I hope it is an open, accepting and honest conversation. I'm not sure that its a generational "thing" to not have vulnerable conversations. In fact, some people of my generation also avoid such conversations. The vital thing is that the children are being shown love, acceptance and support by those closest to them. And if these people do not want to talk to other family and friends about their own family, they can always reach out to organizations like Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gay (PFLAG) to learn how to be an ally in other ways. Just look up your local chapter or refer to the Resources page of this blog.
